


Sweater Weather

by youreyestheyglow



Series: Christmas Fics [3]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, Love Confessions, caroling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:18:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youreyestheyglow/pseuds/youreyestheyglow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Megucas go caroling and Kyoko stays over Mami's house</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweater Weather

**Author's Note:**

> For Alina ~~~~~  
>  **Edit:** Alina drew some [adorable](https://31.media.tumblr.com/a440881645e1f9143ecae6f973d48699/tumblr_nh5kb805E11rvo7pwo1_1280.jpg) [fanart](https://33.media.tumblr.com/45f49da0f822092438e4d6ae86c5af61/tumblr_nh5kb805E11rvo7pwo2_1280.jpg) based on this   
>   
> 
> Don't ask me what's going on in terms of timeline, I have no idea, but Homura is Moe!mura and no one's dead and they were allowed to grow up a little bit and make friends with each other and fall in love because I like happy endings and such

I scowl at my reflection. I don't look cute in my outfit, not like Mami does, not like Sayaka will, not like Homura or Madoka will. Not that it'll matter, not at first, when I'm in my coat and everything all bundled up, but I'll be  _singing_ , so fuck that too. 

Christmas Eve sucks  _ass_.

Mami knocks on the open door and smiles at me in the mirror. "Green is  _definitely_ your color, Sakura-san."

I grin back. "You sure picked well, Mami-san. I love it." No way in hell am I telling her I don't wanna wear it. She'll take it personally, and it's  _not_ personal, not personal at all. Mami made me a sweater, she hand-knitted me a sweater, and it's  _so cute_ , it's adorable, I love it, but should I really be the one to wear it? Like, it would look cuter on someone else, is all. 

But as I finger the hem of the soft, warm sweater, I just - I just want to snuggle inside it and  _stay_ there. Mami must like me a lot to make me a sweater, right? I mean, even if she doesn't like me the way I like her, she must like me a lot, right?

She blushes prettily. "I tried to pick out the right colors for everyone. Green just seemed like your color."

Aaaaaaand there it is: the  _everyone_. The dreaded inclusion of  _me_ with  _everyone else_ that makes me just another friend and nothing more. Even inviting me to spend the night here wasn't just because she wanted to spend the night with me - she just didn't want to think about me alone on Christmas Eve, and it made sense for me to stay here, since we're meeting up here before we go singing. 

I keep my grin stretched over my face anyway. "I'm sure you did a great job with everyone else's, too. Can't wait to see 'em all."

She opens her mouth, but the doorbell rings, and she whirls around, skirt swinging around her ankles as she runs to get the door. 

Even if I'm a little bitter that Mami loves them as much as she loves me, I still love my friends. It's nice to see them all together, and _not_ to go witch-hunting, even if singing isn't much better. And they look nice in their sweaters: Homura in grey and purple, Madoka in pink and white, Sayaka in blue and yellow, and then me, the only one of us five whose sweater isn't the color of my meguca outfit. Even Mami's sweater is gold and brown. Mine is - green. Teal? It's a nice shade, and I love it, but why isn't mine the same colors as my meguca outfit?

Madoka jumps on me as soon as she's finished with Mami, happily exclaiming "I know Mami-san said you'd come but I wasn't  _sure_ and I was so worried you  _wouldn't_ -"

"Would I let Mami-san down?"

"No, but you might not have been able to come," she says as she releases me, bouncing on her toes. "And I wanted all of us to be here!" 

Homura takes Madoka's hand and smiles at me. "It's nice that we're all here," she says quietly. 

Sayaka bounds up to me and throws her arm around my shoulders. "Kyoko-chan, Kyoko-chan, lookin' good in green! Why'd Mami-san give you a green sweater instead of a red one? I mean, I'm not colorblind, right? Your uniform is red, right?"

I shrug. "Not a clue, really. Mami-san?"

She turns away from Homura. "Hmm?"

"Why's my sweater green instead of red?"

She flushes. "I just - thought it should be green, is all." 

"Mami-san blushes so much she probably didn't want to add any more red to the mix," Sayaka cackles. I open my mouth to - I don't know, defend Mami's honor or something, but Madoka beats me to it.

"That's not nice, Sayaka-chan," she admonishes. "Mami-san made a great choice! It's the same color as the jacket Kyoko-chan likes to wear!"

Mami smiles at Madoka. "Right! I know it's strange, but I associate Kyoko-san with that color, not with red."

Aww. That's kinda nice, actually. I smile happily at Mami and she smiles back, cheeks still stained pink. It's adorable, though. I love it when Mami blushes. 

And then she claps her hands together. "Right! Is everybody ready to go?"

"I need to pee!" Sayaka yells as she runs towards the bathroom.

Mami and I grab our coats and scarves, and she helps me wrap my scarf so it covers my whole neck but doesn't obstruct my mouth. It's so sweet, how carefully she pats it down and tucks the ends into place. She's so close and warm and right  _there_ and then Sayaka comes out of the bathroom yelling that the sink water was cold and Mami rolls her eyes and smiles and we head out and  _oh yeah_ I have to sing in public. 

Mami's lucky I love her. I never would've come if anyone else had asked me. I wasn't lying when I said I wouldn't let Mami down, but Sayaka, Madoka, Homura - well - I wouldn't let them down if it really mattered, but caroling doesn't really  _matter_. It's  _Mami_ that matters. All on her own. Regardless of what we're doing. She matters. So I can't  _ever_ let her down. 

Which is why I'm standing here in the Christmas Eve cold with four other people who probably can't sing very well but are damn well gonna try and are gonna embarrass the living hell out of me.

We sing carols and hymns as we slowly wander down the street. Within seconds, people have thrown their doors wide open, singing along or conducting us or just smiling at us and bobbing along with the rhythm. Homura shrinks a little, but with Madoka's hand in her's she finds the strength to wave at a couple of our observers. Sayaka soaks it all up, getting a little dramatic for a Christmas carol, but it's Sayaka, so I really shouldn't've expected otherwise. Madoka looks like she's having the time of her life, because she's always having the time of her life, because she is the happiest person I have ever met in my whole entire life.

And Mami is Mami, confident and self-assured, belting it out for all to hear, her face serene and joyful. 

I sing to her, even if she doesn't notice. I'm here because of her, may as well make her happy she asked me along. So when the high note comes along, I sing it, because there's a high note and I've decided I'm gonna sing, dammit, and I don't go back on my decisions. And that's when I find out that  _no one else_ is a soprano. Actually, no one else can hit notes above a high C. I am the _only_ one who can hit that freaking high note, and no one expected me to. 

Every single person in our little audience cheers. 

Madoka, Homura, and Sayaka gape at me. It should be offensive, but it's not like I sing for them all the time, so how would they have known? 

But Mami  _beams_ at me. Tomoe Mami is  _proud_ of me, I think. Of  _me_. Proud of  _me_. I can't believe it. All I have to do is sing? Holy shit.

Mami alone out of the five of us doesn't miss a beat in the carol. I pick back up a moment or two after she does, loudly covering for the other three, who shake themselves out of it pretty quickly and join in. 

We move on at the end, waving at our little audience and thanking them.

"I didn't know you could sing!" Sayaka hisses at me. "Where did that come from?"

"I'ma church girl, singing is what I  _do_ ," I remind her.

" _Used_ to be a church girl. How long has it been since -"  _  
_

"Which one are we singing next? 'O Come All Ye Faithful'?" Mami butts in. "We should probably start now, or we'll miss a bunch of houses."

"Yeah, that's a pretty one," Homura chips in. 

Mami slips her arm through mine and pulls in a deep breath, and off we go, one carol down and a billion and three to go. 

Sayaka never bothers finishing her question. 

Good. 

Tonight isn't about the past, it's about Mami's arm in mine and her pretty voice in my ear and friendship, even when I want that friendship to be more. Regardless, I've got the friendship of four awesome people, all happy and friendly and strong, and that's the whole point of this, isn't it? It's baby Jesus's birthday and there is  _no_ reason whatsoever for me to be sad. None. 

Except maybe that Mami doesn't love me. And I can't decide if her presence at my side makes that pain, always around in some form or another, more or less acute. 

The people we sing for are very nice, offering us water and hot cocoa and Christmas cheer. I start getting into it, singing a little louder, going into the higher notes with a little more confidence, until Mami is laughing at me and I'm on par with Sayaka in terms of exuberance. 

Of course, it's all gone the moment I set foot in Mami's house again, and all the chill of the winter air dissipates along with most of my confidence. I kinda think of this place as my home, but Sayaka's bounding all over the place and Mami's offering to make tea and I'm just a guest here. Not even the favored guest, either. Just another friend, who happens to be staying for the night.

But that's ok. I'm gonna wake up Christmas morning in Mami's house. That's good enough for me. 

We sit around Mami's little table the way we do when we're meeting after witch-hunting, but no one talks about witches. Madoka talks about her little brother, whom I kinda really wanna meet 'cause he sounds adorable. Homura talks about how nice her foster family is, how much freedom they give her, so she doesn't have to worry about getting in trouble for hunting witches - they let her stay out late as long as she says she was with friends and doesn't come home smelling like alcohol. Sayaka talks a lot, about everything, filling in the gaps in the conversation and telling stories of Christmases past, most of which were spent with Madoka. Madoka is, apparently, absolutely ruthless when it comes to tearing apart wrapping paper. 

Mami and I just listen.

And it kinda feels  _right_ , like Mami and I are the hosts of this little gathering. Even if I'm just kinda here, intruding on Mami's space, pretending to be host to guests that aren't mine. It's a little bit depressing, actually. 

But it's okay, because when Madoka gets up and says she has to be home before midnight and Homura says she's going with Madoka and Sayaka says she should probably go too, I stay. I wave goodbye as they walk away. And when Mami shuts the door behind them, I'm still inside.

"I'm glad we did this, Mami-san," I say with a smile.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. We can do it again next year, if you'd like."

"That would be nice."

She smiles at me.

I smile back.

If she's just gonna stand there and give me the perfect opportunity to take her in, I'm gonna take it, okay? She's so pretty, and so - self-assured, I guess, and just, so  _Mami_ , everything Mami and everything good, and -

"Sakura-san?"

"Oops, sorry, zoned out a little -"

She smiles a little shakily at me and takes a deep breath. "You know, Sakura-san, there's a reason why I like to associate you with teal instead of red. I - don't think of you as another meguca. You're - more than that, I guess."

My stomach drops. Plummets. Actually, I don't think I have a stomach anymore. It's mostly just gone. 

"And I - I really hope it won't - make things hard for us if I say that I think of you as more than a friend. As - well, I'd like to think of you as - as my -"

Oh my god. Oh my god, is she - 

"As my girlfriend, if you - happen to feel the same way," she finishes, face bright red. She tries to smile at me, but it disappears so fast it may as well not have existed at all. 

Girlfriend. Girlfriend? Girl-friend. Like. Friend who is a girl? Or like. Girlfriend? 

"I - obviously - misinterpreted the - signs, and I won't do it again, I'm sorry, Sakura-san, it's clear that -"

"Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait." I'm babbling. "Misinterpreted the - no, you didn't, you - you definitely didn't, I - really?" 

Hope dawns in her eyes. "Yes, really. If - you're okay with that."

"If I'm - Mami, I - I'm  _so_ okay with that, I -" I reach out towards her and she catches my hand and it's not our  _arms_ that are linked it's our  _hands_ and I just - I am  _holding Mami's hand_ and I - just - 

"C-can I - kiss you?" Mami asks, quietly. 

The words reverberate in my head. Can Tomoe Mami kiss me.  _Of fucking course_. But I just kind of - stare at her. With my mouth hanging open. Like an idiot. And I can feel her hand trembling in mine because  _I'm fucking holding it_ when she says: "Of course, that's moving a - a little fast, so -"

And like an idiot, like a really big idiot, I lean forward and smash my mouth into hers, except her mouth is open so I mostly just get teeth, and it's kind of really really  _really_ awkward for a minute because I can't get myself together long enough to say the word 'yes' and kiss Mami properly. 

She gets herself together, though, and closes her mouth and kisses me softly, and I know there's supposed to be more to this - tongues and stuff - but she doesn't ask about it and I am totally okay with that.

"Do - do you want to sleep in my bed tonight? Just sleep, nothing else, I just want to sleep next to you tonight if that's okay -"

I nod as vigorously as I possibly can. Mami laughs, nervously, and we stand there. 

"Uh - I should - go put on my pajamas," I say, and she nods quickly.

"Yes, of course, I - should probably do the same."

I don't mean to run out of there, but I kind of do.

Mami likes me. Tomoe Mami likes me. Likes  _me_.  _Likes_ me. As a  _girlfriend._ And she kissed me. And I'm going to sleep with her.

I change into pajama pants faster than I ever have before, but I don't take the sweater off. It's really warm, and really comfy, and Mami made it for me, and I want to wear it for her. It looks good on me, I think. 

I knock on Mami's door. I'm not walking right in - she might be naked. And while a naked Mami is something I'd like to see, I just - would rather not deal with that today. I think it might kill me. 

She opens the door and she's wearing the cutest nightgown I've ever seen in my life and it's so pretty, she's so pretty, and we stand there and smile at each other until I yawn.

"We should go to bed - if you're okay with that," she says.

"I - yeah."

I don't look at her as I slide under the covers. It's - too much. I know my face is on fire, I can feel it, I don't need to look at Mami and make it  _worse_.

Once we're under the blankets, though, it's easier. She touches the hem of my sweater and smiles and it's a normal smile, not a nervous one. It makes me feel better. 

"You like it enough to sleep in it?"

"You made it," I mumble, curling up a little closer to me. 

She laughs softly. "I forgot how fast you fall asleep," she murmurs, and maybe she says something else after that - I know I hear her voice - but I'm warm and Mami has one arm around me and I've never felt this peaceful in my life and I'm finally where I belong, I think.


End file.
